Now as a result of depression I have found that there are a lot of negative thoughts in my head. This reared its head when I decided that I did not want to go down to see the motorbikes on Poole Quay tonight but that him indoors could go on his own. He decided not to for various reasons but mainly because he felt that I should not be here alone. I think this is after last weeks meltdown he is afraid of what I will do if I am left alone. So we have not gone. He is not happy about this but I have promised we will go next week. I just feel a little under the weather today. My head was pounding again this morning but I managed to get through a day at work despite the bus being late and that the can of diet coke that I got in the canteen when I got there decided to split on me going over my jacket. So I am stood there totally unimpressed by this event and all the duty chef could do was laugh and offer me a cloth to try and dry it out. The heat in the office did that anyway as the air con is broken again. It made me smile though.
On the positive side I got through the day with Tim being at Willersey. I struggle badly on those days. But today when I got up there was a lovely email for me reminding me to be positive and telling me he loves me. I felt so good this morning that I wanted to scream it out to the world. Actually I could have quite easily gone back to sleep. But sticking to the positives, I feel good about me for the first time in ages. Later I am going to do my Wii Fit for the first time in ages, going to think about what to do for dinner tomorrow and get the meat out of the freezer, re make the bed (stripped and washed since I got in) and think about what to do for my birthday. Is he taking me out for a meal? I have no idea but if he does I hope we go to Barrollo's in Winton which is where we went last year. And for Kristie's 18th. I love Italian food especially some of the lush pasta dishes they do and it makes good for a green day on the diet.
More of a positive is that they moved me in with the 'pondlife' at work today which means that I have passed the initial training and can be let loose on my own. Woo hoo. Still need some help but not as much as I thought I would.
I am curious to know what my Mum and Dad have got me for my birthday. I know Sally has got me some books (some of which I have but are so well read they are tatty) by Maeve Binchey who is one of my favorite authors. Her books are just so funny. She is a real story teller. I wish I could write like she does. The only other present I know that I have got are the tickets for Cardiff. Other than that I have no idea. Did drop a hint at Kristie that I would like the new Daniel Merriweather CD but whether she took the hint or not I have no idea. We shall wait and see. Two days and counting.....................
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