Well that was hilarious. Normally only watch the voting which is always political but not so much this year due to the change in voting which still made me laugh. Was I the only one who thought that the Albanian entry deserved more votes than it got? For once the UK did well considering that the song seemed different to most of the rest. Not sure what Armenia and Moldova were doing but I thought they were dreadful.
Went down to Sandbanks earlier. Watching the kite surfers on both the harbour side and the beach at Shore Road. Very gusty winds down there and no one seemed to be jumping as they were on much smaller kites and it was long runs rather than the short runs you often get there.
Been thinking about work on Monday and what I really want to do in the future. I am going to look at doing an Open University course in either Health and Social Care or Psychology. It all stems from the last temp job at the council and I would like to do something to help those in more difficult positions than my own family. It is something that I have thought of doing before but never seemed to have the time or the money to do anything about it but hopefully that will change and I will be able to do something about it.
What is it about sea air though that makes you feel tired? One of lifes mysteries like many other like which came first the chicken or the egg and why does the wind always blow in the wrong direction when you want to go flying. Why also do teenagers think they know it all? And most of all why oh why does nobody ever listen clearly to what they are told? Ok I admit to being guilty of that too but not as much as some I could mention. Its why I have a calendar on the PC and everyone is supposed to update it. So why am I the only one who does? Answers on a post card please.................
Saturday 16 May 2009
Friday 15 May 2009
Woo hoo hang the flags out
I have a new job to start on Monday. Data Input for a firm that deals in pensions and life insurance for the older generation. It may not be what I want to do but it will bring in money and also add another string to my bow so to speak. Anyway it Monday to Friday 9-5 and the place has a gym and a subsidised restaurant which I have seen before and it looks good. I wish I did not have to start on Ryan's birthday but so be it. Its a long term temp contract which could go on for months. The irony is I was on my way in to see the agency when they called me about it anyway.
Also after having an argument with her managed a rather nice lunch with my daughter today. She seems to pick a fight with anyone and everyone over the least little thing. Today's argument was over the state of her bedroom (or should I call it a tip or a pig sty) which has driven me nuts for ages. I have even threatened her with clearing everything out and dumping it now as I am so fed up with her lack of doing anything.
Other than that not really done much today apart from try and job search online and sorting out finances. Chuffed as hell cos I got a tax rebate I was not expecting for a few more weeks. Makes life easier for me in a lot of respects. Just got to get a few bits for Ryan's birthday and we are sorted.
Been thinking though.....about the way life is at the moment........I have good days (like today) and then I have horrendous days where I can't get anything right and I want to stop the world and get off. The good news is that these days are getting less and less. I have issues that I struggle with some of the time but not all of the time. Today has made me so happy in so many respects but there is still that little niggle at the back of ny mind that something is not right. I can't explain why though. May be the doctor can when I see him next.
More random thoughts tomorrow I'm sure.
Also after having an argument with her managed a rather nice lunch with my daughter today. She seems to pick a fight with anyone and everyone over the least little thing. Today's argument was over the state of her bedroom (or should I call it a tip or a pig sty) which has driven me nuts for ages. I have even threatened her with clearing everything out and dumping it now as I am so fed up with her lack of doing anything.
Other than that not really done much today apart from try and job search online and sorting out finances. Chuffed as hell cos I got a tax rebate I was not expecting for a few more weeks. Makes life easier for me in a lot of respects. Just got to get a few bits for Ryan's birthday and we are sorted.
Been thinking though.....about the way life is at the moment........I have good days (like today) and then I have horrendous days where I can't get anything right and I want to stop the world and get off. The good news is that these days are getting less and less. I have issues that I struggle with some of the time but not all of the time. Today has made me so happy in so many respects but there is still that little niggle at the back of ny mind that something is not right. I can't explain why though. May be the doctor can when I see him next.
More random thoughts tomorrow I'm sure.
Thursday 14 May 2009
Homemade Pizza and other thoughts
Well I did pizza for tea tonight. My lot love them because they can pick and choose what they want on them. I like them because I can make them diet friendly. I love trying to adapt things so they are good on the diet but sometimes they don't work that well. I am not the worlds greatest cook but I like to try.
I had a quiet day today. Apart from doing the school run I have been no further than the paper shop. I get fed up with going out and about all the time and spending money we have not got on bus fares. I wish I could drive sometimes. It would make life so much easier. But then again parking can be a nightmare and in some places cost a small fortune. Still I managed to apply for a few more jobs and him indoors has been working from home too so did not get disturbed too much.
It rained today as well. The one day I put three loads of washing on the line and it chucks it down. So now I have wet washing all over the place and no hope of airing it outside if the weather is anything to go by as it is due to rain all weekend. Not happy about that as SEKA have an event day at Lordshill in Southampton on Sunday and I could do with getting out and flying. I like Lordshill. Wind can be a bit lumpy but it is bigger than Baiter so that has to be a plus point. Kristie is working in the evening this Sunday and can't go but thats life. Ryan will love it though.
Talking of Ryan its his birthday on Monday. No party as its an expense that we can do without at the moment but he has got some nice presents to come. He is also getting a special day out to do with one of his favorite subjects, trains. He does not know about this yet though.
Enough waffle for today. Oh Except that the Poole Pirates beat the Lakeside Hammers last night........woo hoo we are on our way back at last.
I had a quiet day today. Apart from doing the school run I have been no further than the paper shop. I get fed up with going out and about all the time and spending money we have not got on bus fares. I wish I could drive sometimes. It would make life so much easier. But then again parking can be a nightmare and in some places cost a small fortune. Still I managed to apply for a few more jobs and him indoors has been working from home too so did not get disturbed too much.
It rained today as well. The one day I put three loads of washing on the line and it chucks it down. So now I have wet washing all over the place and no hope of airing it outside if the weather is anything to go by as it is due to rain all weekend. Not happy about that as SEKA have an event day at Lordshill in Southampton on Sunday and I could do with getting out and flying. I like Lordshill. Wind can be a bit lumpy but it is bigger than Baiter so that has to be a plus point. Kristie is working in the evening this Sunday and can't go but thats life. Ryan will love it though.
Talking of Ryan its his birthday on Monday. No party as its an expense that we can do without at the moment but he has got some nice presents to come. He is also getting a special day out to do with one of his favorite subjects, trains. He does not know about this yet though.
Enough waffle for today. Oh Except that the Poole Pirates beat the Lakeside Hammers last night........woo hoo we are on our way back at last.
Wednesday 13 May 2009
What is it about people
That seems to get my back up at the moment.
Yesterday for example I went and registered with an agency who said that they had vacancies only to get the don't call us we'll call you treatment. Mind you it seems like that everywhere I go at the moment. I went to sign on today as the temp job has now finished and got told I have to wait til the last of that money has gone into the bank. So that means I cannot do anything until Monday now. I need to work to keep what is left of my sanity.
I also had an at home day today apart from that trip to the job centre. It was lovely to just be here on my own with a little bit of time to think about the future, look on line at job vacancies, read some Slimming World recipes and just do a bit of housework. We (Ryan and I) even tried to bake some rather large chocolate chip cookies! Well that is what they started out as. They turned into a giant flat looking cake that filled the whole of the baking tray. Mental note to self....I have never been much of a baker may be now is the time to learn. I am also going back to menu planning for the week. I stopped a few weeks back and wished I had not. Trying to find something low fat to do with the several packs of diced beef I have in the freezer is not as easy as I thought it would be.
I wish I knew why I feel so low and depressed some days. Yesterday I felt really low but today was completely different. I felt really high but strangely sad. I think that is something to do with coming to terms with my condition. I have never really accepted my depression had such an impact on my life until recently. Now I have to get things in order so that I can change things for the better. And that means making lots of changes. For the past few years I have not been a very likeable person in some respects. I have not only let my family down but let myself down. The more it has happened the more depressed I have become. Not any more. I will stop doing the things that I should not be doing and dedicate more time to the things that I should be doing. May be then I can learn to like myself again, and then may be my family will have more faith and trust in me. I love my family so much and I hate myself for letting them down but I will do this not only for me but for them to. I have to stop feeling negative and become more positive and more assertive.
More thoughts tomorrow.
Yesterday for example I went and registered with an agency who said that they had vacancies only to get the don't call us we'll call you treatment. Mind you it seems like that everywhere I go at the moment. I went to sign on today as the temp job has now finished and got told I have to wait til the last of that money has gone into the bank. So that means I cannot do anything until Monday now. I need to work to keep what is left of my sanity.
I also had an at home day today apart from that trip to the job centre. It was lovely to just be here on my own with a little bit of time to think about the future, look on line at job vacancies, read some Slimming World recipes and just do a bit of housework. We (Ryan and I) even tried to bake some rather large chocolate chip cookies! Well that is what they started out as. They turned into a giant flat looking cake that filled the whole of the baking tray. Mental note to self....I have never been much of a baker may be now is the time to learn. I am also going back to menu planning for the week. I stopped a few weeks back and wished I had not. Trying to find something low fat to do with the several packs of diced beef I have in the freezer is not as easy as I thought it would be.
I wish I knew why I feel so low and depressed some days. Yesterday I felt really low but today was completely different. I felt really high but strangely sad. I think that is something to do with coming to terms with my condition. I have never really accepted my depression had such an impact on my life until recently. Now I have to get things in order so that I can change things for the better. And that means making lots of changes. For the past few years I have not been a very likeable person in some respects. I have not only let my family down but let myself down. The more it has happened the more depressed I have become. Not any more. I will stop doing the things that I should not be doing and dedicate more time to the things that I should be doing. May be then I can learn to like myself again, and then may be my family will have more faith and trust in me. I love my family so much and I hate myself for letting them down but I will do this not only for me but for them to. I have to stop feeling negative and become more positive and more assertive.
More thoughts tomorrow.
Monday 11 May 2009
Its Monday
Need I say more. Today has been ok up to a point. The good things being the CBT appointment which went well and talking to the agency that got me the last temp job in the hope that they can get me another one. The down side was too much time running around on buses. I hate not being able to drive but the other side of the coin on that one is that if I could we could not afford to run a car. Luckily for us him indoors has a company car and we pay a certain amount towards fuel each month.
I managed to get Ryan a book he wanted for his birthday next week. Its a Snoopy book and that biy is just crazy about dogs. He has a very well loved Andrex Puppy (called Puppy) that goes more or less everywhere with him. Except school of course.
Still feel very hormonal. Feel a bit at a loss too as no work at the moment. I need to work to keep my mind occupied. Spoke to a few other agencies as well and there is not a lot on the temp or permanent scene at all at the moment.
Did not even get to weigh in tonight as the CBT over ran. Bit cross about that as I really wanted to go tonight. I like our group meets on a Monday night. It makes me feel good whether I lose weight or not. Having lost 2 stone in a year is good news for me. I also like trying some of the different recipes in the magazine and a couple of the books I have. Mental note to self. Do not ever get disillusioned when you have a small gain. Its not worth stressing out about.
Not a lot else to tell so I'll leave it there today.
More random mutterings tomorrow.
I managed to get Ryan a book he wanted for his birthday next week. Its a Snoopy book and that biy is just crazy about dogs. He has a very well loved Andrex Puppy (called Puppy) that goes more or less everywhere with him. Except school of course.
Still feel very hormonal. Feel a bit at a loss too as no work at the moment. I need to work to keep my mind occupied. Spoke to a few other agencies as well and there is not a lot on the temp or permanent scene at all at the moment.
Did not even get to weigh in tonight as the CBT over ran. Bit cross about that as I really wanted to go tonight. I like our group meets on a Monday night. It makes me feel good whether I lose weight or not. Having lost 2 stone in a year is good news for me. I also like trying some of the different recipes in the magazine and a couple of the books I have. Mental note to self. Do not ever get disillusioned when you have a small gain. Its not worth stressing out about.
Not a lot else to tell so I'll leave it there today.
More random mutterings tomorrow.
Sunday 10 May 2009
So Much for the weekend
Well it is now Sunday night and apart from going down to Baiter and taking photos on Saturday and going for a walk in the New Forest I have not done a lot. Though it feels like it has lasted forever. It has not been helped by the fact that I felt really headachey all weekend. The paracetamol have only just kicked in. The only thing is if I say anything I get told there is always something wrong with me, if I don't then I get moaned at for not saying anything.
I used him indoors camera yesterday for the first time properly. With the big lens on it. Most of them came out ok it would seem. A few blurred ones but for me that is normal. Even with my camera. I love taking pictures. The daft thing is I hate having my picture taken. I detest it when I am caught unawares and have a stupid look on my face. I will put a picture in my profile at some point.
Going for a walk in the New Forest was nice. Child free, Kristie at work and Ryan was playing next door. It was just so nice under the trees and not too muddy like where we went the other weekend. We went to a part called Anderwood which is near Burley. It was just so nice to get some time alone, just the two of us. It also cleared the air a bit as well which helped. I get so hormonal sometimes. I can lose it over the least little thing and that gets me in all sorts of trouble. I thought that after having surgery two years ago that the hormones would have settled down but the last couple of days have been some of the worst ever. I must mention it to the doctor next time I see him.
I start CBT for the depression tomorrow. I am not sure what to expect but have been told that it is to try and rationalize my way of thinking. I have trouble thinking now so goodness knows what I will be like after this. I am sort of nervous but also looking forward to finding out what it is all about. I have been a lot better since the doctor changed my medication and doubled the dose on it. I still get scared but I am a lot happier in myself. I know with the love that my family have given me I will get through this.
I am also on the job hunt tomrrow again. Nothing online over the weekend but have a few agencies to see tomorrow and Tuesday for temp or permenant work. Even a long term contract would suit me right now. I just need to be working all the time. It stops me from sitting here thinking about what could be or what might have been.
More Waffle tomorrow after diet club.
I used him indoors camera yesterday for the first time properly. With the big lens on it. Most of them came out ok it would seem. A few blurred ones but for me that is normal. Even with my camera. I love taking pictures. The daft thing is I hate having my picture taken. I detest it when I am caught unawares and have a stupid look on my face. I will put a picture in my profile at some point.
Going for a walk in the New Forest was nice. Child free, Kristie at work and Ryan was playing next door. It was just so nice under the trees and not too muddy like where we went the other weekend. We went to a part called Anderwood which is near Burley. It was just so nice to get some time alone, just the two of us. It also cleared the air a bit as well which helped. I get so hormonal sometimes. I can lose it over the least little thing and that gets me in all sorts of trouble. I thought that after having surgery two years ago that the hormones would have settled down but the last couple of days have been some of the worst ever. I must mention it to the doctor next time I see him.
I start CBT for the depression tomorrow. I am not sure what to expect but have been told that it is to try and rationalize my way of thinking. I have trouble thinking now so goodness knows what I will be like after this. I am sort of nervous but also looking forward to finding out what it is all about. I have been a lot better since the doctor changed my medication and doubled the dose on it. I still get scared but I am a lot happier in myself. I know with the love that my family have given me I will get through this.
I am also on the job hunt tomrrow again. Nothing online over the weekend but have a few agencies to see tomorrow and Tuesday for temp or permenant work. Even a long term contract would suit me right now. I just need to be working all the time. It stops me from sitting here thinking about what could be or what might have been.
More Waffle tomorrow after diet club.
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