Have I really not

written anything since Tuesday? I can't believe it is that long ago since I wrote. But then that could be because not a lot has really happened since then.

Had a review at work and got what is considered to be an above average grade for a 'new starter'. I was very happy with that especially as I thought that I was sort of just on average even though I like stuff I can get my teeth into and seem to be getting more of that now. I seem to pick things up very easily with this job which is why I feel less stressed than in previous jobs. I know it is going to come to an end one day. Hopefully not for a while yet though.

I have started to think about the Summer holidays now that they are only a week away and what the kids are doing. We are off the first week and going to Southend (just me and him) next weekend and then not sure what we are doing the rest of the week. I am looking for inexpensive places to go that we have never been to. A lot is weather dependent. I am also going to delegate tasks to them to do each day regardless, no excuses for not doing them. I am also going to encourage Ryan to keep a diary of what he does over the holidays which for some reason this year are a week longer than normal.

Watched the Speedway on TV earlier. The Russians beating the Danes and the Swedes was a real turn up for the books and does not really bode well for our chances if we make the play offs on Thursday. If they carry on the way they are I can see the Russians winning the whole event.

I am also starting to enjoy Facebook a bit more now I understand a bit more about it. I now have 6 friends and it feel that it is also helping with my issues over depression and other things. I am not getting involved in some of the games and stuff but do play Bejewelled Blitz sometimes. Not got a very high score compared to the rest of my friends though.

More tomorrow

Today has been a good day..........

Well apart from being disturbed early by Tim when he went out. But then I never sleep properly after he goes on anyway. I felt good compared to what I normally do when he goes off to Willersey and it lasted all day...............more or less.

I did a risotto with Spinach in for dinner as Tim got given some at work today. It was very Slimming World friendly and worth it. Just a bit too salty for my taste. I am trying to be more radical in the way I do food. Tomorrow we will have a salad to use up what is in the fridge. Not sure what with yet but it will be good what ever it is.

Its been a good day at work. Yesterday I struggled but today I excelled myself by going above and beyond the call of duty with the work I did. Boss says I could be out a grade ahead if I keep this up for the next few weeks. That would mean being involved in the more complex stuff. I want something to get my teeth into.

Dreamed about going away last night and for some reason we ended up in of all places Hamburg. Now I have only been there once in 1983 and can remember walking round town and knowing where I was going despite the fact I had never been there before. I have had that about a few places we have been to. Colchester and Cambridge being two that spring to mind. But then I have issues with Deja Vu anyway.

Night all

Why???????????????

Some days I feel as if I am going to fall apart. I have been not what I would call the perfect wife but a damn sight better than I have been and all I feel is lost and alone at times. I hate being criticised. I hate days where like today it has been hot and sticky and its given me a headache. My throat feels like the bottom of a bird cage and is very sore. Most of all I hate falling asleep in the car when we go out, but sometimes I can't help it. May be its regression to being a baby and the need to sleep. I have days where I could fall asleep at my desk, I can fall asleep again within half an hour of getting up but can I sleep at night????????????? Not always though it has been better. What has not helped is it has been time of the month the last few days and that takes everything out of me. Sometimes all I want to do is cry. Its as if I don't then this depression will not leave my system. Even when there is nothing wrong sometimes I feel like this. I feel I am becoming a better person. Its a long haul though. The alcohol has gone out the window and I live on diet coke and flavoured water.

I am sort of mastering the art of Facebook. Can anyone tell me what Farm Town is though as I have received a gift and have to return one and don't have a clue what it is about. I now have 5 friends on there. Its a good way of keeping in touch with people which is why I signed up. As they say its good to talk. I find it easier to talk in an email or text than face to face a lot of the time.

Busy week for Ryan next week with two school trips, sports day and reports coming out. He is off to Monkeyworld (school have adopted a monkey and he has been selected for the visit) and Moors Valley Country Park with the 'Calm Corner' group. Bless him he had a better social life than I do...................

Remembering when

what with it being Jenna's 18th today, it sort of took me back to when I was 18 nearly 30 years ago. We hired a skittle alley for my party and had meals in baskets and a small bar and about 30 guests. My mother did the sherry on arrival bit and we had a good laugh. One thing I have never forgotten is that we hired a mini bus to take everyone home as we lived in New Milton and everyone else lived in Poole. As Liz (who sadly passed away last year) was the last one to be dropped off, I decided that I would phone her the next day to make sure that everyone got home ok. She made me laugh when she said 'That half bottle of sherry that your Mum gave to your Gran' I replied 'ummmmmmmmm yes?' Liz carried on with 'well not only did she finish it off but she started to sing dirty rugby songs as well'. Cue me thinking 'oh my god what is she going to do next!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Nan swore blind she never sang (she never could anyway) and didn't remember getting home.

I miss my nan still as it has been 17 years since she passed on. She always used to make me smile and also used to get embarrassed going out with me because I was taller than her. It also made me think of the others we have lost since the kids came along. Uncle Ray, Uncle David, Auntie Vera, Jean and Geoff, and of course not forgetting Tim's Dad. All of them missed in different ways.

The heat is getting ridiculous. I am sat here almost naked because it is so hot. 27 c in the dining room and that is with a fan on and the windows open and the back door open. Need a thunderstorm to clear the air really. Will it happen is anyone's guess. The intense heat seems to give me a permanent headache and occasional fuzzy vision. I can put up with that though. As long as the headache does not go in behind the eyes I will be fine.

No Kristie tonight, she is staying at Caz' house as she needs cheering up. Early night I hope.

What's it all about then

Facebook that is. I have signed up after debating it for ages and will be using it to keep in touch with friends and relations more than anything. have had a couple of silly conversations with my best friend and it seems quite good fun. Getting used to it though is another thing.

Its been hotter than hell here. Or so it seems. Its been so hot today that it was cooler inside the building at work than it was outside. That was until the air con started to play up and be silly again and a couple of people nearly passed out. I hope Jenna is ok though. She is 18 tomorrow and was complaining of feeling rough earlier. Sounded a bit like tonsilitis which I hope it is not. She also had a huge bouqet of lilies delivered to her as an early birthday present today and the smell was amazing.

Not much else to tell really. Been to hot to do anything any sense so have not really done much. My hip is still hurting but is not as bad as it was. Kids are ok as is him indoors. Need cold drink to keep going though....................

Almost forgot this to do with Ryan and school. He came off statement 2 years ago and the procedures that were agreed were not put in place. To be honest I had forgotten about it until we saw Ryan's consultant in May. However the school have now stated that they cannot understand why nothing was done about the procedures and are in the process of implimenting them. They will now make sure that Ryan has a lap top for year 5 and extra time for tests etc.

Learning Curves.......................

Had to learn something new at work today. How to deal with Executor and Trustee mandates which are a nightmare. Well easy but still a nightmare because half the time something does not match and has to be referred.

Missed weigh in tonight as there was a conflict as to whether or not the meeting was on or not. We were supposed to be contacted but no messages or emails so not happy. Still we will go along to a different group tomorrow night instead and see what is going on. Hopefully have lost a little bit this week.

They have also announced the date for next years British Speedway Grand Prix in Cardiff which is going to be on 10 July 2010 and its the tenth anniversary one. I so want to go to it and I am determined to get there somehow. I really enjoyed the one at the weekend and it has made me enthusiastic for more. Watched Eastbourne v Swindon on the TV earlier and it was a very good match. Wish I could afford to go to Poole more often as it was always so good, even when we were losing it was always fun. Trouble is it would cost us about £50.00 a week to go as a family. And at the moment that is money we have not got.

They also announced the GB team for this years World Team Cup. Bring on the youngsters. They have dropped Nicholls and Richardson, the second of which surprised me. I thought he would have been included based on the fact that he is on such good form at the moment. I agree with the choice of Harris, Kennett, Bridger and Woffinden but not sure about King. Oh well time will tell.........................

Cardiff and other odds and ends

Well mostly Cardiff if the truth be known cos very little else has happened..............

Had a really nice day out, was a good meeting but the sound system was crap and the pre meeting entertainment could have been better. The racing its self was good...........not a great deal of over taking but what there was turned out exciting. I think that all 4 of the finalists deserved to be there and that Jason Crump was a worthy winner. However I have just read that the result will not be made official until an inquiry into the behaviour of Sayfutdinov and Nicholls has been resolved. Not that it will make a lot of difference to the final result as nether made the top 8. Saying that I have never liked Nicholls anyway, too much of what my Dad would call a 'big I am' or in other words likes things his way or no way.

Disappointed that Chris Harris got excluded but these things happen. Did not buy food, drink or souvenirs up there at all because of the costs but at £8.00 the programme was worth the money for the information and photo's alone. We also had a very good view from where we were which was high up on the back straight, opposite the start line. It was so flipping hot it was harder to know which was worse, being inside the stadium or outside and they only opened the roof for a short time. We left home at 7.30 and got there at 10 but by the time we found somewhere to park it was 10.30 so we had 4 and a half hours to kill. The stadium was about a 10 minute walk from the car park and was dead opposite the Cardiff Central train station.

The only other thing that has really happened was I saw my friend Carole's sister and neice and some of her kids today for the first time in a very long time. We popped over because Tim had to sort out a PC problem for her and Her sister was staying with her and as Mel only lives down the road she popped up as well. I have not seen Mel since Nan died and that was when Kristie was 18 months. Her second Matthew is the same age as Kristie and is also very musical. As for little Emily she is just so sweet. Its nice to catch up with people now and again. I am going to set up a facebook account to keep in touch with everyone. But with private settings only.

Oh and I have hurt my hip. Doing of all things getting out of the car when we got back from Carole's and I am now in agony. Pain killers are not helping at all.